There is an old joke that at least when you have Alzheimer’s disease, you don’t know it. I have heard of a few people for whom that is true, but I haven’t ever met them. I have already witnessed it first hand before with my Aunt Madge. She once said that she felt as though a dark curtain was falling across her brain. I am already witnessing it again with Miklos. I sometimes hear him saying, under his breath, “I am really losing it.” Even more worrying is when I hear him saying, “I should be dead,” or “I don’t deserve to live.”

Fortunately, he is still in very early stages. He usually looks forward to coming events with great anticipation. He enjoys social contacts, and probably many of the people he interacts with have no idea what his condition is. That will change.

Again, I am reminded of my Aunt Madge. In the last few years of her life, after my mother had died and she lost her mooring to reality, she would still have rare moments of clarity. Then she would look at me through clear, intelligent eyes and ask, “Why can’t I just die?” Then her gaze would grow cloudy again and she would fade back into her silent self and emptying mind. I had no answer. Her body was too strong to give up. I have no answer for Miklos.