My husband gets out of bed groaning. As with most older people, he wakes up with some stiff joints and sore muscles. He has never had a high threshold for pain. I doubt that most people also mutter to themselves, “Why can’t I be dead?” That is what I heard today.

Later in the day, we were driving, and Miklos asked whether we should be getting an all-electric or a hybrid for our next vehicle. He clearly is making plans for a future that in the morning he wanted no part of. This mental turbulence must be as difficult for him as it is frustrating to me.

We had a repairman looking at our microwave. He said that with a new part, it should be good for another five to seven years, and Miklos responded, “Just like me.” Unfortunately, we cannot just install a new magnatron in Miklos. Does he really want to continue his mental decline for that long? Will the Aricept work to keep the disease in check so that he can remain somewhat cogent for five more year?

I think the worst part is never knowing what to hope for.