Early in the journey, I spent a lot of time on ALZconnected, reading posts from other spouses. So many of them have much heavier demands placed on them than I do. Some of the spouses of younger patients are still working. I find it hard to imagine how they can find energy for all they need to do. Some of them also are caring for a partner who has become violent or or who no longer recognizes them. Some seem so very angry that it verges on hatred. I can already appreciate the degree of patience that they must have just to get through the day, but I have to wonder about what their relationship was like before the spouse begin to change. Were they once a close and loving couple?

Then I see other spouses who say kind and loving things, regardless of how much their loved one has changed. Their tone is gentle. Have they always been so close and loving, or has taking on the role of caregiver heightened their sense of empathy?

Observing these other people makes me more aware of the kind of person I want to be. My fervent hope is that Miklos never becomes violent or abusive. So far, he has become more loving, sentimental, almost maudlin some of the time. If he retains those traits, it will be easy for me to remain kind and loving. If he does not, will I have enough love, patience, and empathy to continue to be the kind of person I want to be? That is my hope.