I have recently reverted to an unhelpful and unhealthy way of thinking. Dwelling on my current frustrations has taken me back into every slight, hurt, betrayal in the past. I know that my exceptional memory can be a curse. It makes it too hard for me to relinquish grudges. I can easily realize that dwelling on the past, especially the most negative parts of the past is completely non-productive. Knowing that it is non-productive doesn’t make re-directing my thinking any easier.

I suspect that some part of my brain wants to think that if I focus on the negative, it will be easier to let go when the time comes. I will be able to say thank goodness I never have to put up with that again. Will that thought really provide solace? Of course not. When I send condolence cards, I often offer the opposite sentiment — that the mourner will be comforted by warm memories. Why can’t I apply my own advice to my situation?

One way to redirect my thoughts is to redirect my actions. A few months ago, I started preparing a photo album of best memories. My goal at the time had been to help Miklos recapture his own memories. I know that in memory care facilities, it’s important to have photos and other mementos that can prompt the patient’s memory.

Now, I consider that it may be excellent therapy for me — to focus on the best parts of the 59 years we have spent together so far. Creating the album ties past to present and future. It is a place to begin.