I think that I have moved on to acceptance, but I find there is always something else to deny. I do not deny that Miklos has Alzheimer’s disease. I do not deny that it is progressive and incurable. But I deny that in his case the symptoms will ever become so bad that he will need 24 hour care.

Recently, his physical health has been improving. Three weeks ago, I was not sure he would recover from his surgery. Now, I see that he is growing stronger every day. He walks at a more rapid pace. His appetite is improving. He appears to be doing well. Except

Except that he clearly has increasing difficulty in solving simple problems — how to get a grocery cart beyond the check-out lanes to the bakery on the other side. Except that he has more difficulty remembering whether he has taken his medicine or done his exercises, confusing having done so yesterday with doing so today.

And I sit in denial. Surely, we can hang on the way we are for a few more years. I will continue to be able to leave him alone for a few hours while I have lunch with a friend or do some shopping. He will not need adult day care. He will continue to be sociable and engaged.

I procrastinate. Stephen Covey describes it as the tyranny of the urgent over the important. There will never be a day when I do not have some life responsibility, but I must prioritize preparing for our future needs as his condition worsens. But surely, it won’t be necessary for a few more years. Sigh.