It seems that one of my children’s primary concerns is that their father always be able to recognize them. Of course, I would also be glad if he never lost that much of his cognitive function. For several months, I was quite convinced that his physical health was deteriorating so rapidly that he would inevitably die within a few months, long before he lost the memory of his children.

Then his health stabilized, hit a new plateau. I am no longer checking for breath when I check on him in bed. He spends most of his day in bed, still. When he does get up and get dressed, he is sociable. He walks with good posture and doesn’t shuffle, when he walks at all. I doubt that most people who have casual interactions with him would suspect that he has dementia. All of his important physical systems — heart, lungs — are in excellent shape.

But I do notice that he has more difficulty understanding what is happening. He is also more reluctant to do the things that might help him maintain his mental and physical health. He is reluctant to take a shower unless he knows guests are coming. He often doesn’t get dressed if we are not going anywhere. He no longer takes a walk to build his strength. While I don’t want to be the Nag-in-Chief, sometimes I do need to strongly urge him to get up.

Last week, he said he didn’t feel up to coming with me to Lunardi’s (his favorite grocery store). I replied that I didn’t care. I expected him to get up, take a shower, get dressed and come with me. I told him that he would feel better after a shower. He asked how I knew it, and I said that he always did.

I went on downstairs, and continued doing some other things. I wasn’t at all sure that he hadn’t just gotten back into bed. When I was ready to go, I went upstairs to check on him and found him clean, shaved, and ready to dress. When we got to Lunardi’s, he was full of compliments for the staff, smiles for all the children, his usual mashed-potato jokes. He was engaged and seemed very happy.

My daughters have convinced me to quit caring about what he eats or even whether he takes his medicine. But I will continue to strongly encourage him to get up and be social. That is the best way that I can think of to help him keep his as sharp as possible for as long as possible, and that in turn, may help alleviate my daughters’ concerns about him.

However much we may hope and pray that he never loses so much awareness that he no longer recognizes us, it is not in our control. As hard as it is, we can only take it day by day.