Miklos sat down with his head in his hands. He looked up at me and said, “Only Marianne and Larry are left of my covenant group. Everyone else is dead.” I reminded him that Bruce is very much alive. He replied, “But Bruce moved away.” And I reminded him that moving away is not the same as dying. I also reminded him that Booker was originally part of the group, and has neither moved away nor died. That seemed to offer some consolation.

Then he wanted to engage me in a very serious conversation about his funeral. At the moment, he may have been in one of the moods when he is longing for his own death. I was very willing to talk to him about it, and to reassure him that I would see that his wishes were carried out.

Even a mentally sharp 88-year-old will have experienced many losses. Certainly parents and others of the older generation. At 78, I am the oldest remaining descendant of one pair of great-grandparents. So many classmates and friends are gone. I think the losses are just a little harder for Miklos because of his personal losses, his strength, his mind.

As a society, we have far too few conversations about death. Americans are quite death denying, in fact. In other cultures, people still mostly die at home. Families prepare their loved ones for burial, or whatever their funeral practices are. Most Americans die in hospitals, and most funerals are prepared by professionals.

Children are almost entirely isolated from death, and adults work hard to distance themselves from it. That is probably one of the reasons we as a society are so intent on prolonging death. If families have not talked about end of life issues, they are likely to try to postpone them with costly medical interventions. Miklos seems to be too healthy to die soon, but we will be prepared to accept death when it comes.